HOW TO SPOT A COP

[Bennett D. Ebberly]

How to Spot a Cop...
By Eric Peters

Avoid a Piece of Payin' Paper!
Like innocent minnows swimming past the jaws of a lurking snapping turtle, many drivers don't realize the unobtrusive sedan in the next lane is Johnny law--until it's too late! But if you spot the cop before he spots you, you can sometimes save yourself a ticket.

Luckily, in the United States it's still relatively easy to pick out an officer of the law--or, at least, to develop "mental radar" for certain types of vehicles they tend to drive, and to notice the little things that suggest the presence of an "oinker" as definitively as the smell of bacon in the morning.

Currently, there are two vehicles favored by police departments all over the United States. They are the Ford Crown Victoria and, lately, the Chevy Impala and its slightly smaller cousin, the Lumina.

The Crown Vic is especially easy to spot because, other than old folks, few people besides cops drive them. It is a full-size "boat" of the type that used to be commonplace but which today no one makes--other than Ford.

If you see one, don't pass it--and throttle back on your speed until you can make a positive ID. If it's up ahead or in a pack of cars, gradually work your way close enough to get a good look. Unmarked Crown Vic police cruisers are usually painted primary colors--navy blue is a favorite--but some departments are sneaky and operate Vics painted in bright metallics, too. Check the driver's-side window area; you're looking for an external spotlight. If it's there, it's a cop: Slow down and back away. Also look carefully on the package-tray area behind the rear seats. If it's a police vehicle, there will often be flasher lights that he'll turn on when it's time to issue a piece of "payin' paper." If you see several small antennas mounted on the trunk or roof, that is another clue that it's not just another senior citizen. Police Vics also tend to be free of retirement-home gewgaws such as padded vinyl roofs, lots of chrome trim--or vanity plates of any sort. The typical police Vic will be "smooth and clean," amazingly free of exterior clutter (other than the spotlight and those small antennas). Mechanically inclined observers can also spot an unmarked Vic by the presence of "police-pursuit" equipment such as wide tires (with cheap-looking "dog-dish" chrome hubcaps rather than pricey alloy wheels), dual-outlet exhaust tips, and a thick anti-sway bar behind the axle. Late-model Crown Vics ordered for police service often actually have a small badge on the trunk lid that says "Police Interceptor." These models are not available to civilians, incidentally--so if you come across one, it's absolutely a Johnny. Also, don't fear the Crown Vic's very similar twin, the Mercury Grand Marquis. This is a higher-trim (read: more-expensive) model that cash-strapped police departments rarely, if ever, use for police duty.

The Chevy Impala and Lumina are similar to the Crown Vic in many ways. Though these are front-wheel-drive cars with V-6 rather than V-8 engines, they also tend to be driven either by older people or traffic cops. The same visual cues apply, too. The cop car will have a spotlight, antennas, and flasher lights, and be free of "clutter." If you see a soccer-ball sticker on the trunk, a "My Child Is an Honor Roll Student" badge, personalized plate--or anything like that--don't worry. One especially nice thing about the Impala is its set of very distinctive, oversize, round taillights. No other car on the market has anything like them--and they're easy to pick out in a crowd and from a distance.

These three vehicles--the Crown Vic, Impala, and Lumina--account for probably 80 percent to 95 percent of all marked and unmarked police vehicles in service today. (Some departments still use the older Chevy Caprice; it is very much like the Vic--just rounder. People nicknamed it "Shamu" when it was still being built. However, the last Caprice rolled off the line back in 1996--almost 8 years ago. Few remain in service, so don't worry about them as much as the Crown Vics you come across.)

Still, don't assume you're in the clear just because there are no Crown Vics, Impalas, or Luminas in sight. Some departments have gotten cagier and deployed vehicles not generally associated with The Law by most people. Chevy Blazers, Tahoes, and Jeep Grand Cherokees have been used to corral scofflaws. And a few lucky "occifers" get to play in Chevy Camaro Z28s--the most fearsome police interceptor since the old 440-powered Dodges and Chryslers of the '60s and '70s. And in warm areas--or in summer--watch out for motorcycle cops. "CHiPs" is more than just a bad TV show--and it's much, much harder to spot the Harley or Kawasaki hidden in the bushes up ahead.

But if you're alert, know what to look for--and always keep your "radar" on--you can definitely stack the odds in your favor.